Now that we know there is a problem with how you speak, and you have identified, and you understand how important it is for you to have a pleasant voice with good rhythm and tone showing confidence in your words and yourself, how do you actually achieve this goal? What are the best steps to correcting a voice problem?
This again sounds pretty easy, but you will have to catch yourself both doing it right, and doing it wrong. If you have the help of friends and family, that can be easy to pick up on because you need to ask them to tell you when you slip up. Almost like an intervention for a substance abuse, your friends will be there for you, but how are you going to take it when they tell you what you did wrong?
In order to take the criticism the best, you will have to constantly be mindful the friends and family are there to help you, not to hurt you. If they truly are your friends, they want to see you succeed in having a conversation with a woman as much as you do, especially if they want you to move out of their apartment or home and venture out on your own.
A good game to play with yourself might be to score each day. Keep a chart and every day keep a total of how many times that day someone corrected your speech and expect this number to go down as you work on your voice and how it comes off to others. Be sure to reward yourself for an excellent performance with a treat or drink, but if you are having a bad day, take a deep breath and try and make the rest of the day a good one so your score doesn’t get too high.
This game obviously is a lot like the sport of golf; the lowest score wins, and eventually if you are able to conquer your fears and become someone with a pleasant and appealing voice you will win, so keep at it until you get the score you are looking for which is of course zero.
If you aren’t using the aid of friends and family, that is fine, but the game is a bit more involved. Keep working your recorder until the buttons fall off and it simply says it’s had enough of listening to your mindless babble as you try and improve your voice. What you will need to do in this case is listen and find where you slipped up each day.
Just like the example above you should be able to keep a score for yourself for the day, but you can add to the score how many times during the day did you catch yourself without listening to the recording. This actually can be more beneficial than just having your friends and family henpecking you to death because if you catch yourself reverting back to your old habits of speech you are on a road to self-discovery and self-correction; this is a fantastic step to take.
Now that you have your games set up and are ready to play what do you do to fix your voice problems? All you have to do is try and do the opposite of what your problem is. If you know you speak to slowly, try and get your words out more quickly. One way to do this is to enter the conversation with your words and answers already in mind, which will show you are prepared anyway.
If you find your issue is you speak way too fast, try and just slow down, take a few more breaths in between sentences; remember the period at the end of a sentence is a stopping point, and a comma is a pause. Those are rules not just for writing, but for speaking as well, so just slow down.
If the volume of your voice was the issue, again just work on doing the opposite of what you have already been doing. If you speak way too softly, it’s time to get louder; which can be difficult at times. The volume increase needs to come from you diaphragm, below your rib cage, and come out with confidence.
One way to do this is to stand in front of a full length mirror and yell at yourself. Please do this alone because if you do this with someone watching they might call the local loony bin and have you taken away in the friendly white coat that makes you hug yourself. By standing in the mirror and yelling, notice where the voice comes from.
If you are getting your voice from your diaphragm, you will see and obvious rise in your chest, but if it all comes from your throat you won’t see this rise at all. In fact after a while of yelling that only comes from you throat you will start to get hoarse and have to start over after your vocal chords heal.
Once you have figured out how to get your voice a bit louder, go out and practice it on other people. You will probably see an amazing change in how people respond to you now that you have gotten your voice a bit louder.
Last, if the problem is you are too loud, soften your voice. Use your throat more for speaking than your diaphragm, that way you don’t blow away the room, especially if the room consists of one person who is seated across the table from you.
The goal when working on your voice is to eventually have a nice even tone voice that can be heard from up to five meters away, but really no more than that. Using some of these exercises you will be able to get your voice under control which will have a significant impact on how people accept and speak with you, especially women.