Confidence is such an important factor in being able to talk to a person of the opposite sex, or anyone whom we are attracted to. Some people naturally have confidence and exude it and others don’t. I’m not sure I agree with that statement at all, I have known many a person who in certain situations have a ton of confidence while in others act like they have no clue or no faith whatsoever.
How do you gain confidence? Remember the first time you tried to do the job you are now so good at? You had no idea where anything was or how it was supposed to be placed, how one part worked with another, what happens when a problem arises, it was so overwhelming, and the orientation didn’t help either.
During the orientation the instructional videos were dull and boring and threw so much information at you all at once there was no hope of you keeping up. Then you were expected to go on the job and perform flawlessly right? Wrong, didn’t you have a mentor, a guide, a foreman, or someone who helped teach you the job?
Wasn’t someone present to guide you along the way and make sure you kept calm? That is what I am going to try and do for you as well take this journey along the path that will ultimately lead to you having a conversation with Ms. Ten from the party. I am going to be your guide, calm your nerves when you get nuts and let you know it is ok.
Like any good teacher or mentor, I will let you know why you are doing something along with what to expect so your results are not a surprise and then you will have the confidence you need to strike up a conversation with someone whom you don’t know at a party, including the young beauty you had your eye on earlier.
Getting Rid Of Anxiety
If you have ever seen the movie Tommy Boy, and remember the scene where Chris Farley’s character demolishes the food in the diner after losing a possible sale; this is part of overcoming anxiety. In the movie, he wanted the sale so badly he mauled it until there was nothing left, this can be the case for you if you don’t have the right confidence in yourself and others to approach a woman.
In our case here, we have to build up your confidence and the only way to do that is to understand a few basic things along with getting out there and applying some simple rules to your approach. You also must know going into this it will be a bumpy ride, you are going to get turned down, you are going to be laughed at, and you are going to get some dirty looks, but that is all part of learning.
Before you go out into that crazy cruel world all alone there are some simple, basic things you must understand. The first of which is so obscenely obvious and simple you might slap yourself on the forehead like a V-8 commercial, but it is true; everybody’s human. Yep, that’s it, everybody is human, simple basic, but what does it really mean in this context.
As far as we are concerned what you need to understand is the simple fact that everyone has flaws and has something they are very self-conscious about. This is part of what makes us all human and is a natural feeling, so what are you actually self-conscious about? Do you have trouble starting a conversation, not just with a pretty girl, but with anyone, do you feel light headed in a crowded room, are you afraid someone will notice one of your eyes is slightly higher than the other?
All of these things are quite natural worries when starting a conversation with anyone and knowing what causes you anxiety is one sure way to make sure you are aware of it and able to fight through it when it presents itself to you, so look in that mirror again and tell yourself what it is you fear and what makes you feel anxiety, now let’s go take care of a few social ones.
If when you looked in the mirror you told yourself you fear bugs, spiders, snakes and other creepy crawly things, call an exterminator, but as far as the social anxieties of starting a conversation, being comfortable with strangers, and knowing they have anxieties as well, I can help. The trick is really quite simple; you have to get into uncomfortable situations to figure out how to be at least more comfortable in them the next time.
With a simple understanding of humans all feeling a bit of anxiety the next part of what you must understand is we all want to be accepted. It is a natural feeling for anyone to want to be part of a group. Remember when going through school, groups formed based on some form of a common bond, whether it was because of social status, a common interest, or because no other group wanted them, groups also known as clicks in school were formed.
Every member of a group felt some form of belonging because they belonged to a group that accepted them, sometimes someone would try and join different groups and had to learn how that group functioned and what was accepted and what was not. That is no different when trying to talk to someone at a party or function.
If you go to a party where everyone is dressed up and looking fancy and you have on a pair of jeans with holes in them and a t-shirt, you are not going to fit in at all. In fact it’s much more likely you will be shunned and want to leave very quickly, because it is important to fit in and be accepted.
Making sure you understand how important the anxiety of every human is and the need to fit in and be accepted is as well, is the simple basis for getting over your own anxiety and moving toward your goal. Now that we have those two issues covered, let’s jump into some exercises the help you along the way.