One of the few pieces of dating advice that almost everyone agrees on is that you need to be confident to attract a woman.
In fact, studies have shown that women are attracted to men they see as having greater status in life. The key there is “men they see as having greater status” – in other words, men who appear confident and certain of their own worth.
It’s good advice: Be confident in yourself, and you’ll be more attractive to women. The problem comes when a guy gets carried away with being confident, or worse, gets too convinced of his own awesomeness. There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance. Only one of those two qualities gets you the girl.
How can you tell if you’re being charmingly confident or annoyingly arrogant? Or more to the point, how can you tell before she makes it clear by walking away in disgust?
The following five areas are were most men cross the line between being full of confidence and being full of themselves.The next time you’re out with a woman, stick to the do’s listed below and avoid the don’t’s. You’ll find that she’s she’s way more into you when you’re not so into yourself.
DO: Talk about yourself. It’s cool to talk about your accomplishments, your hobbies, anything about you that makes you interesting. That’s part of getting to know each other. Keep it focused on your activities and interests, not your possessions. Any girl who isn’t just after your wallet is more interested in knowing you went camping last weekend than in knowing you drove to the campsite in a new limited edition extended cab truck with all the bells and whistles.
DON’T: Only talk about yourself. It’s a conversation, not a monologue or a job interview. For everything you say about yourself, she should get a chance to share something about herself, too. And another don’t – don’t act like she ought to be impressed with how awesome you are. If you act like you’re God’s gift to women, she’s going to feel like you’re the ugly sweater her aunt gives her every year at Christmas.
DO: Admit when you’ve made mistakes. Whether you make a mistake while talking to her or you’re telling a story about the past where you goofed up, own up to it. Laugh about it if you can, or simply acknowledge that you learned from the experience.
DON’T: Blame others for things that have gone wrong. It doesn’t make you look stronger, less stupid, or more attractive. Strength comes from taking responsibility, not dodging it.
DO: Treat everyone with respect. Especially her, and especially the people serving you. She’ll notice how you treat people. Kindness and respect towards others shows you’re confident. You don’t have to try to make others look bad or inferior to make yourself look better.
DON’T: Be an ass. Really. It’s that simple.
DO: Express your opinions. Even if she clearly doesn’t agree. Have a conversation where you both share – and listen to – each other’s point of view. Keep it light, though, especially if you don’t know each other well. Heated debates can wait a date or two.
DON’T: Tell her how she should think, or act as if her opinions are dumb just because she doesn’t agree with you. Everyone likes to be listened to and taken seriously. If you do that for her, it won’t matter if you don’t agree. The fact that you’re confident enough in yourself that you can treat her like she has a brain means that she’ll still think you’re the most intelligent man she’s ever met.
When you’re confident, you don’t have to prove anything. You know you’re a great person. You also know you’re not perfect and you’re okay with other people knowing that, too.
When you’re arrogant, it usually is a cover for a fear that you’re not as great a person as you want to be. You’re desperate to hide that fear, so you try to put people down to make yourself look better.
A man who is comfortable with who he is as a person is much more attractive than a man who’s scared he’s not good enough. Show the woman you’re attracted to that you’re that confident guy. In a world full of guys acting like arrogant asses, she’ll be drawn to your strength and self-assurance.