As one of the oldest and still most important goals when trying to get a woman to go out with you on a date, getting her phone number requires some information, finesse, timing, and all around good luck as well. What I have told you a couple times already is you really don’t know when or who is going to strike your fancy, so you need to be ready when the time comes.
In the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives, we can often miss the opportune moment to actually connect with a woman. If you remember in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, the Jack Sparrow character informed the Will Turner character more than once when he had missed this moment, he obviously knew the importance of taking advantage of timing and after you read this part of the book you will too.
We are always out and about, taking part in activities, working, running errands, or any variety of tasks, and often we do these while trapped inside our heads and don’t pay any attention to the world around us. Well no more of that for you, it’s time to realize what is going on around you and be aware so you don’t miss your chance to make that connection.
Once you do run into a lovely lady and strike up a short conversation filled with small talk, when is it best to depart and when should you actually as for her number? First of all, you need to leave her when the conversation peaks. If you just told a funny joke that has her giggling hysterically, that is a great time to ask for her number and then prepare to leave.
On the other hand, if you have just finished a riveting story about helping a friend, it’s time to go then as well. The point here is you want to leave her wanting more. It goes right along with the show business saying of always leave them wanting more so they will come back. If you watched a TV series and the entire story was revealed in the first episode would you watch the next week, probably not.
As soon as you get to that peak part of the conversation, let her know you need to go, because you need to finish shopping, or running errands, or any other excuse that shows you need to make a hasty getaway, and ask for her phone number. This needs to be done quickly before she get has the chance to really think it over and maybe not give it to you, so timing is critical.
After you get her phone number, it’s time to go, you are leaving her wanting more from you, so when you call her later she will be expecting you to entertain her either with laughter or with more great stories, but now that you have her phone number you have time to prepare yourself to do this.
Obviously this was a best case and easiest scenario to offer, but there really is a lot more that goes into the simple task of asking for a phone number. Let’s get into some more scenarios and see what our options are shall we.
When to Go
We touched on this just a little, but let’s dig much deeper on when you should actually end this conversation. As I stated before, you want to leave when the conversation has reached its peak point and you will have to judge that one for yourself, but you also have to lead up to the leaving part by preparing her.
Somewhere during the conversation you are having with this lovely young woman you need to let her know you are in a hurry and have a busy schedule to keep. By doing this you are telling her that even though you are a busy person, she is interesting enough to take up some of your day.
What would happen if you didn’t prepare her for this event? Let’s say you started having your conversation, knowing it was going to be somewhat short, and suddenly when it peaks and is at its best part you quickly tell her you have to go. What do you think her reaction will be?
I can pretty much guarantee by acting in a hurry to leave just as the conversation has gotten good you are going to cause all of her guards and red flags to go up. You probably won’t be leaving that location with her phone number and instead of keeping her interest; you just turned her off to you altogether. She might also think you have something mentally wrong with you to suddenly have to run off when the conversation just got good.
I can also guarantee she doesn’t think you are running off to save the world either. Unless your name is Clark Kent and she is Lois Lane you aren’t saving anything and have just wasted time for both of you. Make sure you make it a habit to somewhere after the conversation starts, let her know you are in a hurry and can only talk for a couple minutes.
Once the conversation hits that peak point, pull out your phone or look at your watch and let her know you really do have to go, and ask her to exchange phone numbers with you at this point. By simply sticking to the need to leave, you aren’t raising any red flags or putting up her guard against you, you are simply living your life which has a schedule, but isn’t it nice you were able to stop and chat for a little while.
That Pesky Body Language
When you ask the woman for her number what are you actually doing? You are in fact letting her know you are attracted to her, either physically or emotionally and you want to see her again or at least talk to her again on the phone. Because this is what you want to portray, you need to do so with confidence and presence, which means you have to be mindful of your own body language to make sure you do this correctly.
If you are standing with her looking at your feet, shifting your weight from one foot to the other in an “aww shucks” kind of way, you are in no way portraying the confidence you need to show her when you are asking for her phone number. What do you think her reaction will be to this person who appears to have no confidence at all? I would say more often than not when you pull out your Beaver Cleaver act you will get turned down.
If you didn’t understand that reference, look up Leave it to Beaver, it is a sitcom from the 60’s that was pretty big and after watching just a couple episodes you will understand. Just make sure you don’t start taking on the characteristics of Eddie Haskell in the process.
Anyway, the important thing to remember when getting your body language correct while asking this woman for her phone number you need to stand up straight and tall, with confidence. Make sure you speak clearly and loudly enough for her to understand exactly what you are asking for and give her your biggest, brightest smile, one that says you are really energetic and excited to meet up with her again.
One word of caution with regards to your body language, don’t get too cocky or overconfident. If you are leaning in close and so loud the whole place can hear you then you have gone way too far. Try to lean back just a little with one foot in front of the other while you stand and practice using a voice that isn’t too loud, but simply confident.
This might be a great time for you to get your mirror out and practice again, you should be able to see how best to stand and yes you should practice regularly. Remember, you have no idea when the opportunity is going to appear for you to get a phone number from a woman who you find interesting and it’s better to be prepared than to look like a sheepish and meek buffoon.
What happens if the woman tells you “no, she is not going to give you her number”? At this point you need to keep your confidence and wits about you and offer her your number. By doing this you are opening the door to her and allowing her to have control over the situation. In this case you are more likely for her to reconsider and offer you her number as well, since you gave yours first.
While you are reaching the peak of the conversation, and have the opportunity to possibly exchange numbers you can sometimes get a woman to give you her number first without even asking for it. Now if you have run into a woman who simply gives you her number without even talking to you or asking for it, be at least somewhat wary of this, she might be inviting you over for something that is illegal, and we don’t want that.
However, if she is nice enough, and you have had a fantastic conversation with her, one way to let her know is by simply telling her you have enjoyed the conversation with her. How much easier do you think she might feel about the idea that you would actually call her if you have already told her you enjoyed the conversation?
I would imagine this lovely lady is now going to feel very confident in giving you her phone number once you have expressed to her your enjoyment even of a small amount of time you spent together. In fact, there is a better than average chance once you have told her you enjoyed the conversation the two of you shared she will actually give you her phone number outright and you won’t even have to ask for it.
All you are going to have to tell her is you would like the opportunity to continue this conversation at a later time, but have to go because you are busy. It is very simple really, and like I said, with this assurance, she will actually be willing to give you that phone number without you having to ask for it at all.
Maybe, just maybe your standing up straight, having a great conversation, leaving when the conversation hits it peak, and assuring her you will call her will all not be enough for her to want to give you her number, there is at least one alternative you can try. I am going to assume you both have enjoyed the conversation to this point, but for some reason she just hasn’t decided she can trust you with her phone number yet, what do you do?
What you are going to do is sulk away dejected by this woman who could have been the right one for you if she only would have given you a chance. Put your tail between your legs and start walking away crying and sobbing all the way. Make sure you look back a time or two and show her how hurt and dejected you feel. It’s now time for you to go and live the rest of your life as a monk because there could be no other woman for you but her; I hope you look good with a shaved head.
Are you kidding me? Don’t you dare do a single thing that was just suggested in that last paragraph, and I know at this point that is basically the feelings you are going to have, but how is leaving going to solve any problems or continue your opportunity with this woman? In reality it is not at all, so chin up as I tell you what your alternative is.
The option you have when a woman won’t give you her number, even after you have given her yours is to try and set a date for later that day or the next. Make and keep it simple, offer to buy her a cup of coffee or take her to lunch. Tell her you want to continue your conversation with her and would be willing to meet up somewhere to do just that.
By choosing this option you give her the opportunity to choose the location you will meet up and under what circumstances. In this way you are giving her the control of the situation, and this offers her a sense of security, because really, the two of you just met and only had a brief conversation.
If she agrees to meet you somewhere else, well, you have a date and can go back to the other section of this booklet to gain some advice on how to be prepared for your date. Another possibility in this situation would be to invite her to something you are doing.
When you do this, you maintain some of the control of the situation, but you can invite her to an activity or event you are attending later in the day by letting her know that is where you will be and asking if she would like to join you. She will then be able to continue the conversation you started with her as well as get a glimpse into your life.
Once she does attend with you and continue the conversation from before, hopefully, if you both have had a great time together you will now be able to get her phone number and continue dating as normal people would.
A Final Note
One final bit of advice when you are ready to depart from this woman with whatever information you might have in order to meet again is to have a nice handshake. Whether she gave you her number, you gave her yours, or she agreed to meet you later for a date this handshake just like your body language says a lot.
You want to shake her hand firmly like a normal man, but not so firm that you crush her fingers, that part is really nothing new, but here is the twist, put your other hand on her forearm. You don’t need to grab and squeeze her arm as if you are a Boa Constrictor crushing your prey. Rather a light touch on the arm just gives you that physical presence.
By touching her arm for just a few seconds, you are already starting to enter into the intimacy associated with touching that is so important in any relationship. Because it is just on her forearm while shaking hands she is going to be less likely to pull away or have her guard put up by just a light touch during a handshake.
Now that you have gotten all the ins and outs of how to get a woman’s phone number, which I’m sure you never thought would be this involved or complicated, practice first in the mirror or with a friend, and be sure to stay in practice because you really never know exactly when you are going to meet that special someone who you want to spend more time with.