Whoa! I’m not talking about sex here, but a rather a different type of hooking up. I also am not going to just give you the dos and don’ts that the wonderful “love doctors” have done to you for so long. By the way, I think most of those guys live at home in their mothers’ basements, but that’s just my opinion.
Instead we are talking about how to connect with a woman and gain her trust. Ask any woman out there, one thing they value the most and would like to find in a man is someone who provides a sense of security. That security doesn’t always come in the form of financial security, in fact in most cases it doesn’t come from money at all, but rather how a woman feels when she is around you.
If you give of the vibe to a woman that you are a caring, fun, easy going, and most of all trustworthy individual, a lot of times women will let their guard down some and allow you to get to know them. On the other hand if you instead appear to them as a serial killer with duct tape and white panel van waiting to take them away to their death, it won’t matter if you wear your Boy Scout uniform to meet her, she isn’t even going to give you the time of day.
I actually heard an ad not too long ago on the radio that advertised if you wanted to become a better person you should learn a new language. I thought this was really kind of a strange way to advertise learning a second language because if you are an asshole in one language how is learning a second language going to make you less of an asshole; just a thought.
A Little Quiet Time
Probably one of the most important parts of actually getting to connect with a woman is going to be the opportunity you give yourself to do so. When you are out at a club, have you noticed there are always a few guys who are pretty much the life of the party, and usually you see them go home with one girl one night and maybe another the next. Initially you might feel envious, but do you think they are able to make a real connection with any of the women? The answer is probably not.
These guys who hang out around the bar laughing, telling stories and never leaving the main scene of the club are great and fun, they are obviously very confident, all qualities you should be trying to emulate when you work on getting yourself ready to even come to the party, but they miss out on a few key factors. One of those key factors is finding a quiet place to make a connection with a woman.
It’s possible these gents are really just a scared as you once were, but probably not, however you can have the upper hand in creating something with meaning and passion, or at least some interest by finding a quiet place to have your conversation with a woman you have found interesting.
Obviously we are assuming you have started a conversation with her at the club and decided you want to get to know her a little better, maybe you have even flirted with her a bit, the point is you have gotten her attention already, and she has gotten yours, so what do you do? One possibility, especially if you live in a large city where home are centrally located, is to offer to walk her home from the club.
By offering to do this you are asking for the chance to be alone with her and get to know here a little bit better. Make sure when you offer to do this she is actually ready to go home. If you are asking to walk her home and it’s only nine o’clock at night what are you trying to tell her? Are you saying its past her bedtime or yours, so please be aware of the timing and make sure she has indicated she is actually ready to go.
Another option, especially if it is early in the evening is to ask if she wants to go grab a bite to eat. A pizza, sandwich, or other easy to eat and certainly not formal type of meal works great and if it is one of these you are giving both of you the chance to depart quickly if the conversation doesn’t go well.
Mainly what you hope to accomplish by having her agree to spend some time alone with you is to get to know each other better, find out if you have some common interests, and gain some of the trust you need from her in order for her to let her guard down and open up. Make sure wherever you two head off to none of either of your friends is around. If they are, most likely they are going to try and join your conversation, which negates the idea of you two being along and having some privacy.
I would also suggest wherever you go there is at least some sense of privacy and quiet. It is really uncomfortable to try and get to know someone by having to shout or by the place being so crowded and buys you almost get separated by the crowd. A nice little table outside, or the walk home will be a great setting for the two of you to find out if you really are attracted to one another.