She Has A Boyfriend… Now What?


Getting To The Finish Line In A Classic Pickup

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It’s not really a race, but there is a goal in mind when you meet a woman you are attracted to and have a great conversation with and that goal is a kiss. Depending on the setting, how private the area you are at and the amount of attraction will determine what kind of kiss is really appropriate. You might not want to dive in tongue hanging out and slobber all over her like a Saint Bernard who hasn’t seen its owner in a month. Nor do you want to have your first kiss be the kind you might give to your Grandmother who smells funny either.

The important part of this section isn’t really the type of kiss, although you should be looking for a nice easy soft kiss and let her take charge of the duration and intensity, but rather your focus needs to be more along the lines of when is it appropriate to kiss her.

Setting the scene back up, you have spent all evening with this lovely woman, you have laughed, shared stories, flirted some, and have been holding hands together ever since you told her you could read her palm, how do you ask her for a kiss without sounding like a fool? The other question to this is, do you just go in for a kiss or should you ask?

First of all, the best way to save face, and make sure you are both on the same page is to ask her, so the answer to the second question is no you don’t just dive in like a swimmer heading to the deep end of a swimming pool. It’s appropriate for you to ask and you can ask a couple of different ways.

One way to ask her is to turn the question around on her. Rather than asking her if you can kiss her, ask her if she would like to kiss you. By doing this you can prepare to respond to her either way it goes. If she says “no” then you can respond by telling her you wouldn’t let her kiss you anyway. This makes the question a small flirtation on your part and hopefully will get her thinking about kissing you.

The other way you can ask her for a kiss is to be very straightforward and ask if you can kiss her. The real downside here would be an answer of “no” because you have left yourself vulnerable to her decision, but sometimes a woman likes to see a man show a bit of a vulnerability, so if you feel this is the best way to go about it then by all means go ahead.

Our wonderful “friends” would tell you not to ask, but to just dive right in and take the kiss when you feel it is right. They also tell you to take control of the situation and “be a man” by determining the duration and intensity, they are wrong. By allowing her to determine not only if you two are going to kiss, but also for how long and how strong you are once again showing her that you see her as an equal, not a prize to be won, not a subordinate, but an equal and one who has value.

The other problem with our “oh so sage, expert” advice is what happens if she doesn’t want the kiss. You might only get to kiss her cheek, she might reach up and slap you, and all your efforts will be lost. What was a nice conversation and turning out to be a great night could be ruined by you being way to forward with her; exactly what we don’t want to happen.

Even worse, if she handles your pushing a kiss on her with rejection, but wants to save your feelings would be the “let’s be friends” line she might just give you. We all know that means no relationship is starting up tonight, so in reality to save your dignity and make this a comfortable as possible, please ask the woman if you can kiss her before you even try to.

A Bit of Common Sense

I know some say common sense isn’t so common, but let’s be somewhat realistic here. You could actually meet a nice woman just about anywhere. It could be at the grocery store, shopping center, book club, library, at a sporting event, or just about anywhere. Since you really don’t know where or when you will meet a woman who will grasp your attention there are a couple things to remember.

If the situation does not allow for it, don’t try and take her off somewhere private. If you met a lovely woman at the grocery store, she might find it very strange that you want to interrupt her task of food shopping to slip away somewhere private. A better idea would be to try and get her phone number so you can call or text her later. In this particular case a kiss would probably not be appropriate either, and most likely the conversation will not escalate to the point of getting a kiss in the grocery store, so curb that thought for a while.

Because you really don’t know when or where you will meet the woman you want to spend time with, don’t go looking. Our “advice gurus” once again would tell you to get out there and find that woman you are longing to be with. This simply is not the case, more often than not, you meet a woman who interests you in very unexpected way and unexpected places, so just make sure you are ready to put your best foot forward when the opportunity presents itself.

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