I have always love that line form Ali Baba where Aladdin says “Open Sesame” and growing up watching Sesame Street on TV when I was a kid I thought the word street should have been added to the end of it, but I digress.
Our “relationship guru” colleagues would tell you once you have the woman alone, not in the back of you panel van taped up you sicko. Geez, that guy needs some help. Rather once you have her alone on your walk or in private; the “experts” would say you need to ask her a lot of questions.
Their thinking regarding the questions is if you ask about her, she will feel you are really very interested in her and want to know all about her. Obviously there is some truth to that, but not enough for you to simply ask her a bunch of questions and never do any opening up yourself. Any woman I have ever talked to about this particular subject says they want to know about the man just as much as they want to tell about themselves.
Also, how do you think it would feel to you if someone you met only a couple hours before started shooting question after question your way? Most likely you would feel a lot like a criminal under investigation in one of those dark, damp, moldy rooms with one light bulb handing from the ceiling and strapped down to a chair. Ok, maybe I have seen too many old police or war movies, but you get the idea.
Actually, what you should be doing once you get the woman alone is simply having a conversation. Unfortunately, if you are nervous or unsure how to begin a conversation with a woman, you will have to learn to do this, another item you need to work on for yourself before you would have even come out to the club tonight. But, if you are somewhat comfortable with having a conversation, one of the best things to do is start with a funny story about yourself.
I would suggest you have these ready ahead of time, sometimes when the moment strikes the mind goes blank, so be prepared to talk about yourself. If your story is funny, and you happen to actually be the punch line, that makes for an even better story. By telling stories where you were embarrassed, or a little humiliated, you show her that you are confident enough to share this with her.
By sharing such an embarrassing moment with her, you also get to show her that you don’t mind laughing at yourself and can find the humor in your own pitfall. Hopefully, she will offer up a story that is just as funny and the two of you can share stories in your quiet area of the café, or on the walk home together.
Once you have shared a couple funny stories, you can alternate between funny, serious or even talk about your likes, dislikes, and views. Remember this time together is all about getting to know each other. Don’t be afraid to comment on what she has to say, that is as important actually more important than the stories you have to tell.
When you are able to comment on her input in the conversation, you are telling the woman that she is valuable and you are listening to what she is saying, and not just trying to get her into bed. There is no limit to the comfort and pride a woman can feel when they know a man, especially one whom they met only a little while earlier, actually sees and treats them as an equal, so make sure you add some value to her inputs as well as telling your own stories.