Have you ever given your Mother “that look” or gotten the always hated stink eye from a girlfriend or your mother? That is simply body language. That same look you gave your Mother that earned you a punishment worthy of a serial killer, is a great example of how women will respond to body language in another person.
Body language is simply speaking with your facial expressions, posture, stance, or any other part of your body that is not your mouth saying actual words. Why on earth is it so important? Why can’t we just say what we need to say without using our body? Simply because we are creatures that use expression and posture to assist in expressing ourselves and we always will be.
Listen to Me
What you first need to be aware of when thinking about body language is what does your body language says to someone else. Are you slouching, are you leaning in, do you stand with your arms crossed, or do you have a disinterested look on your face; all of these things tell another person, especially a woman more about what you are trying to say than the words that actually come out.
You might simply have meant to ask a woman where the restroom is, but your body language being forward and directly toward her said to her, “I have a white van outside and I’m not afraid to use it”, maybe not quite that extreme, but you get the point. The way you present yourself before any words come out of your mouth is so much more important than what you actually say it is mind boggling, so pay attention.
The best body language you can have will be relaxed, easy going, but also appearing ready to leave the group or conversation because you don’t want to be a bother. How in the world are you going to achieve this? With some steps to success and practice, you can create the correct body language so women will find you inviting and charming before you ever speak a word in your new and improved voice.
Remember that full length mirror you practiced making your voice a bit louder in? If not, then you need to get one for this next exercise, it will be the best tool to correcting your body language you ever invested in and as you already know body language is our second key to success.
Once you have your mirror, and assuming you were able to hang it on the wall without much of an issue, you will need to start practicing what good body language is for being in a group, especially at a party, and then when alone with just one person. The two types of body language used are a bit different from each other.
First practice your general body language whenever speaking with someone. It might be a good idea to get that friend or family member who helped you work on your voice to help you with this as well. Stand looking in the mirror however you normally stand when speaking with someone else, whether alone or in a group, what do you see?
Do you see a person who stands up straight or someone who slouches, do you stand forward, or leaning back a little, what do you typically do with your hands? If you have a hard time doing this in the mirror, and reading your hands will be next to impossible in the mirror, have a video camera set up and watch yourself have a conversation with someone else.
If you see that you do actually stand up straight, and the person you have bribed into helping you agrees then you are off to a great start, but most of us do slouch a bit. The correction for your slouching will be to stand with your shoulders back, your head up, and your chest out. Just picture yourself as a proud peacock strutting around trying to attract the female with your robust feathers, now stop being a peacock and pay attention to your posture.
Once you get the hang of walking around straight and tall, take it for a test drive. Tomorrow at work, make sure you stand with great posture and see how your coworkers react. Most likely the men won’t say anything, but the women will notice and some may even say something to you about how you look. If that is the type of reaction you get, then you are on your way to success.
Now that you have the hang of standing up straight, so much so you have carpenters calling you so they can make sure their boards are straight by placing them next to your posture, it’s time to examine your lean. Do you lean in when speaking with someone or do you lean back just a little?
Another important question here is, do you generally get too close to another person, where they can smell what you had for dinner last night, or are you so far away they feel a phone call would be a more efficient way to have a conversation? Either way, there again are corrections you can take and you must start in your now beloved or loathed mirror.
Starting with your lean, if you typically lean in toward someone, you have to stop. In reality you are constantly invading their space, which immediately tells a woman you are a threat, not the impression we want to start off with. What you really do want to do is to lean back just slightly. Place one foot a little ahead of the other, keep your new straight as an arrow posture and that is how you should stand when speaking to someone else.
Again practice this posture and take it out on the road for a test, especially at work. If you used to lean forward and now lean back, you will simply be amazed at how much more positively people, especially women will respond to you. No longer are you a threat to their lives or sexuality, now you see them as equals and they will give you a much better response than ever before.
One word of caution, if you are construction worker, garbage collector, or work in any other male dominated career don’t expect a whole lot of reaction. In fact it’s even more likely you will get a lot of teasing and ribbing over the fact that you now look weird compared to before. This also is the proper reaction so be happy with it and enjoy the hard time you are getting from your coworkers.
Now we have you standing up straight with a slight backward lean, but what do you do with your hands? They are all over the place when you talk to others and you really need to get them under control before someone loses and eye. Not really, but if you do talk a lot with your hands, you will need to have them calmed down so the woman you are trying to talk to can focus on the words coming out of your mouth.
In order to accomplish this task, first check the mirror again, if you can’t get a good read on your hands in the mirror then get out the video recorder and have that conversation. Once you review the tape, see what exactly you are doing with your hands. If your hands are up and down a lot or all over the place, we have to get them under control.
Two ways you are going to get your hands under control in a social setting will be to have something in them, and to fold them together. Having something in your hands could turn into a problem, especially at a party, if you always have food or a drink in your hands, you might be seen as a glutton, so being able to keep your hands calm without an object in them is important.
Practice in your handy dandy mirror being able to keep your hands just folded in front of you, not in your pockets, and for heaven’s sake don’t cross your arms either, just relaxed and folded in front of your body. This will be the best place for your hands, and if one hand is keeping the other from being all over the place you will appear calm, confident and not threatening.