How you approach a woman or a group of women is almost as important as what you have to say to them. Women can generally read body language better much better than men and will have a pretty good idea what you are thinking when you approach them, even more than what you are already thinking.
I know that last paragraph sounds a bit crazy and by now you might think I am crazy with all the odd references I make, but the fact is women read body language very well. Men on the other hand usually have only a few intentions when at parties meeting women, and have a hard time picking up on subtle clues given off that women will easily pick up on.
For this reason alone, if for no other reason at all, is why it is so hard for most men to be able to approach a woman they don’t know or have never met and actually start a conversation. It usually comes out sounding like a gorilla trying to communicate and ends with the man leaving the area with his tail between his legs.
Even if you possess a reasonable amount of tact and ability to talk to women at parties or in public at all, the next few pages might help you to venture out and maybe even help to make the first contact much simpler than it has been in the past.
Body language says more to another person than you actually can say to them at all. Let that sink in for a minute, the words that come out of your mouth are really only about twenty percent of what you are actually saying to anyone and how your body speaks makes up the rest. Therefore, controlling your body language and knowing it, becomes extremely important in our pursuit.
Obviously, if you are standing in a crowded bank, and someone pulls out a gun, shouts “give me all your money” and holds a ready to fire position over yourself, a bank teller, or anyone else, their body language is one of aggression and confidence. They hold control over the situation at the time, but what about the person who comes out of nowhere and knocks the gun out of their hand?
Did this person have a body language that would have told the would be thief they are going to stop them? They most likely did if the thief had looked around and read body language and facial expressions; this hero most likely was the only one in the room who had some calmness to their body. Their face would have been calm and their eyes most likely would be surveying the scene to know when the best time to strike would be.
In no way am I suggesting you try and read body language by robbing a bank, or by stopping a bank robber, both a great ways to keep you from your next party with the woman you wanted to meet, but you have to find a way to read people and what their posture, face, and entire demeanor is saying to you before you can understand how to approach a woman.
One great way to figure out body language, or at least get a clue as to how it speaks to us is to go back to the shopping center and watch people. Don’t stare at them, just watch, if you start staring at people at the shopping center, the authorities, often called “mall cops” might have to come have a conversation with you. But you can get a great idea of how body language works just by watching people at the shopping center.
One example you might find is a young mother out with her toddler and the toddler has done something wrong. The mother might be bent at the waist, shaking her finger in the toddler’s face, shoulders very clenched, and her brow furrowed in a scary face that would make even grown men straighten up and act right. Obviously this mother is angry, exasperated, and frustrated with her child who has misbehaved.
Also look at the child, what does their body language say? Does it say they are scared, sad, and sorry? Maybe they are crying, face turning red, body is also tense, and possibly their hands are up protecting their face because they are afraid their mother is going to shake that finger and hit them in the face with it.
You can read all of that from body language, even if you aren’t close enough to actually hear the young mother yelling at her toddler. That one was actually very easy, so how about an example that maybe isn’t quite as easy.
Watch a woman while she is shopping, is she tilting her head to the side, maybe her shoulders are straight but confident, is she curling her brow up and looking like she is thinking about an item while she checks it out? What is her next reaction, does she look dismissive and put the item back quickly and doesn’t give it another look or does she start to smile and show a bit more interest in the item, are her eyes checking every detail and her brow starting to look happier, but focused?
This is how women shop, and their reaction to items they see in the store should be no surprise at all. If the woman puts the item back quickly and doesn’t give it another look, or even looks a bit disgusted, she didn’t like that item. On the other hand, if she starts to smile and really inspect the item, she likes it and is picturing how she is going to use the item as well as making sure the item is in good condition.
One more example, a very important one, and then we will move on. Watch a woman as she meets up with her friends; even if you can’t hear them, their heads go back with laughter, their shoulders are relaxed, they have big bright smiles on their faces, they are having a great time.
Now, watch what happens when someone they don’t know asks a question or tries to join in. If the person who approaches the group of ladies has an open or aggressive body language as they approach, every member of the group will show a body language that lets you know they are on their guard and not really listening to what this person has to say.
On the other hand, if the person approaches with a passive body language and appears somewhat closed, and obviously not aggressive, they group is more likely to accept what they are asking and even respond in a positive way. In this case you would notice even though the group is still somewhat guarded, they are less so than in the aggressive example.
Why did I spend so much time on body language? Because if you don’t have your body language handled properly when approaching a woman, or group of women, you will be shot down faster than a clay pigeon with a parachute on. Maybe a bad analogy, you will be turned away without even getting a word out at all and have wasted your opportunity.
What you need to do at this point, now that you understand body language, would be to practice your approach body language in a full length mirror to see what yours is like. Do you look like a hunter about to attack his prey, hungry, eager, and aggressive? Or do you look like a shadow, meek, unassuming and easy to overlook?
You want to be somewhere in between the two of these. You want to look confident with your head up and shoulders straight, your face set as normal with a small smile, and maybe even have your hands folded together in front of you. This is the perfect posture and body language to approach a woman.
The body language I just described says you are nice and easy going, it also shows a level of comfort with strangers allowing others to be comfortable around you. A couple ways to practice your new body language, to see if it actually is correct, is to have a female friend see how it looks and make minor adjustments while you are looking in your mirror, and to go try it out on some strangers.
Go back out and refresh some of the actions from the last chapter, and since you are already comfortable talking to women, try your new body language on them as well to see if you are more easily accepted than before. I’m willing to bet money you will be welcomed into group conversations much faster than before and with a lot less of a guard up against you.
One major benefit you are going to have now is you can read the body language of the women you are trying to approach so you should avoid the embarrassing drink to the face or kick to the nether regions just by reading body language. That is unless of course you say something stupid that deserves those kind of actions; in that case, you earned it.