What is it? Simple once again, the it I refer to is teasing. Teasing is absolutely the heart and foundation of flirting and if there is any real attraction between you and the lovely lady you have the pleasure of spending time with it will be very necessary.
What is important to remember is there is nothing wrong with a bit of teasing or flirting with each other. Giving each other a hard time about your stories, about what you are wearing, or even how you eat or walk is all natural. Flirting and teasing are so ingrained in human nature we often do it without knowing it.
If you remember when you were a youngster, when a girl liked you, and didn’t know how to show it she might come up to you and punch you. Strangely enough this is actually the most basic and primitive form of flirting. Your reaction at that age might even be to put her down to your friends, she might actually do the same to you, but in reality, you both liked each other but were so young and immature you didn’t know how to show it at all.
Now that we are much more grown up and hopefully more mature, maybe not in all cases, but most, the flirting and teasing should be much less physical, and much more along the lines of being light hearted. We have hopefully learned that it would be detrimental to a conversation or relationship to bring out those really bad skeletons we all have hidden in our proverbial closets so when flirting or teasing try and stick to something simple and easy to accept.
Our wonderful friends, “the dating books” would never stoop to teasing or flirting would they? No, they always tell you to treat her like a queen or a princess; put her on a pedestal and keep her there. By doing this they tell you she will eternally be yours.
In reality treating a woman this way will often bore her to death. She will most likely be more attracted to a man who challenges her mentally as well as emotionally and does not just let her get away with acting like a princess around them. What is going to happen to the guy who did with the dating books said to do; he will be her doormat for as long as she wants him to. Is this what you want to be, a doormat?
So, if we don’t want you to be a doormat, but we also know the flirting and teasing must be somewhat mature, well timed, and appropriate, how do we accomplish this feat? Once again we need to seek out our friend or relative and practice on them. Be daring in your approach, and make sure they understand it is very important they give you honest feedback. Try a few actual insults and see how they will be received, also try and work on reading the other person so you know when the flirting is appropriate and when it is not.
There is a better than average chance when you two are trading stories she might actually begin the flirting first. If that happens remember this is a really great thing, that means she really does like you and you should take this as a vote of confidence it is ok for you to flirt with her as well. On the other hand, if she doesn’t start the flirting, when you do start, keep it simple and light to begin with.
Avoid insulting her stories to start with; if you insult or make fun of something in her stories, she might not share any more of herself, which is a complete backfire of what we wanted to happen here. Instead try and find something that is obvious about her she might have been made fun of for all her life.
The reason to find something that is really obvious is she has most likely already been teased about it her whole life and has developed a barrier to the teasing and might even have a great comeback prepared. This would be called an ice breaker, but instead of needing to break the ice to start the conversation, we had to break the ice to start the flirting and teasing. Hopefully your practice with your friend or relative will help keep you under control in this stage of the conversation; you certainly don’t want to end up hurting her feelings.
Another value to the light teasing is you are sending her the message that she is not better than you. If you follow the advice books again on this, they never tell you to play hard to get, in fact it’s such a pursuit until surrender strategy I’m certain some was hardened Generals are using the books for strategy to pursue and conquer their enemies as well.
By sending the message to her she is not better than you are, you are playing a bit of hard to get, and will retain her interest in you much longer than if you are a doormat at her beck and call. You need to send the message with you stories and your flirting that you know the value of yourself and that you have a life.
Letting her know this will not turn her off, rather it should make her even more interested and wanting to become a part of your life. If it doesn’t she was probably not the woman you really were looking for anyway, remember she needs to fit into your life, not have you give up your life in order to be hers all the time.